1
00:00:32,416 --> 00:00:33,727
That's a police car.

2
00:00:33,751 --> 00:00:35,629
Half the time it's our
home and our office.

3
00:00:35,653 --> 00:00:37,564
The three of us
work together. We're cops.

4
00:00:37,588 --> 00:00:38,765
I'm Halliday.

5
00:00:38,789 --> 00:00:40,634
I'm Terriday.

6
00:00:40,658 --> 00:00:43,570
I'm St. Patrick's Day.
Heh-heh-heh.

7
00:00:43,594 --> 00:00:45,138
When we started out,
I never thought

8
00:00:45,162 --> 00:00:46,940
we'd be three fingers
on the arm of the law.

9
00:00:46,964 --> 00:00:48,074
I'm the first finger.

10
00:00:48,098 --> 00:00:49,776
I'm the second finger.

11
00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:51,978
I'm the hangnail.

12
00:00:52,002 --> 00:00:53,747
Quiet, mongoose.

13
00:00:53,771 --> 00:00:56,149
He always interrupts.

14
00:00:56,173 --> 00:00:58,184
These are the facts.
Nothing but the facts.

15
00:00:58,208 --> 00:00:59,686
It happened several years ago.

16
00:00:59,710 --> 00:01:01,120
At that time,
we were in the Army

17
00:01:01,144 --> 00:01:03,022
right in the midst
of a rough, tough battle.

18
00:01:03,046 --> 00:01:04,991
We were surrounded,
fighting for our lives.

19
00:01:05,015 --> 00:01:06,960
We were fighting
a rear-guard action.

20
00:01:06,984 --> 00:01:08,995
It was the only action
we knew how to fight.

21
00:01:11,522 --> 00:01:13,266
My rifle's jammed!

22
00:01:13,290 --> 00:01:16,336
Hey, fellas, we gotta knock out
that machine gun nest.

23
00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:18,271
They got us pinned down.

24
00:01:18,295 --> 00:01:22,030
I'm hungry.
You carry on without me.

25
00:01:36,213 --> 00:01:39,292
Gotta knock out
the machine gun nest.

26
00:01:54,665 --> 00:01:56,209
Oh!

27
00:01:56,233 --> 00:01:59,012
Gotta eat an apple.
I'm hungry.

28
00:01:59,036 --> 00:02:00,780
An apple.

29
00:02:00,804 --> 00:02:02,081
Ugh!

30
00:02:02,105 --> 00:02:03,483
Too soft.

31
00:02:03,507 --> 00:02:05,619
Gotta knock out the machine gun.

32
00:02:05,643 --> 00:02:07,175
Oh, another apple.

33
00:02:10,414 --> 00:02:12,881
Ooh, too hard.

34
00:02:21,559 --> 00:02:23,102
It's rainin'!

35
00:02:23,126 --> 00:02:24,938
Just my luck.

36
00:02:24,962 --> 00:02:26,695
He did it! Come on!

37
00:02:28,699 --> 00:02:30,343
Oh, boy, you did it.
You did it.

38
00:02:30,367 --> 00:02:33,279
Larry, old boy, you knocked
the machine gun nest out cold,

39
00:02:33,303 --> 00:02:34,814
single-handed.
You're a hero.

40
00:02:34,838 --> 00:02:36,016
Boy, oh, boy, oh, boy!

41
00:02:36,040 --> 00:02:38,351
You'll be promoted for this.

42
00:02:38,375 --> 00:02:41,087
Hey, what are we doing out here?

43
00:02:41,111 --> 00:02:43,545
A guy can get killed!
Run for your life!

44
00:02:58,062 --> 00:02:59,305
I'm Halliday.

45
00:02:59,329 --> 00:03:00,574
I'm Terriday.

46
00:03:00,598 --> 00:03:02,842
I'm Groundhog Day.

47
00:03:06,604 --> 00:03:08,982
When we got out of the Army,
we decided to go to college.

48
00:03:09,006 --> 00:03:10,717
We were natural-born detectives,

49
00:03:10,741 --> 00:03:12,821
so we took up the study
of criminology.

50
00:03:24,221 --> 00:03:26,566
I see you've decided
to major in criminology.

51
00:03:26,590 --> 00:03:28,602
That's right, ma'am.
All we want is the facts.

52
00:03:28,626 --> 00:03:30,904
We chose criminology
because it's scientific.

53
00:03:30,928 --> 00:03:31,905
Indeed.

54
00:03:31,929 --> 00:03:33,506
In the lexicon of crime,

55
00:03:33,530 --> 00:03:37,210
it is theoretically propounded
that passion, inhibition,

56
00:03:37,234 --> 00:03:40,480
and delinquency are the
major contributing factors.

57
00:03:40,504 --> 00:03:43,016
Not to mention corruption
of mind, detestations,

58
00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:45,986
and schizophrenia,
if I may be so sesquipedalian.

59
00:03:46,010 --> 00:03:47,654
A jerk with a quirk
may do the work.

60
00:03:47,678 --> 00:03:50,857
Or, a turk with a dirk
may stick a clerk.

61
00:03:50,881 --> 00:03:51,925
Good desoc?

62
00:03:51,949 --> 00:03:53,159
Very periphrastic.

63
00:03:53,183 --> 00:03:54,883
Viva.
Viva. Viva.

64
00:03:56,286 --> 00:03:57,664
Viva.
Viva, good.

65
00:03:57,688 --> 00:03:58,832
Good, good.

66
00:03:58,856 --> 00:04:00,233
Viva.
Viva.

67
00:04:00,257 --> 00:04:01,434
- Viva.
- Viva.

68
00:04:01,458 --> 00:04:02,502
Gentlemen,

69
00:04:02,526 --> 00:04:04,537
the registration fee
will be $25 each.

70
00:04:04,561 --> 00:04:06,721
Ooh.
Coming right up.

71
00:04:45,435 --> 00:04:46,445
There you are.

72
00:04:46,469 --> 00:04:47,647
There you are.

73
00:04:47,671 --> 00:04:49,104
And there you are.

74
00:04:54,144 --> 00:04:55,488
Here's a transfer.

75
00:04:55,512 --> 00:04:57,957
That's in case I wanna
transfer into another class.

76
00:04:57,981 --> 00:04:59,659
Quiet, titmouse.

77
00:04:59,683 --> 00:05:00,760
Ooh!

78
00:05:00,784 --> 00:05:01,961
Thank you, gentlemen.

79
00:05:01,985 --> 00:05:03,897
By the way, I conduct
some of the classes

80
00:05:03,921 --> 00:05:05,165
in criminology myself.

81
00:05:05,189 --> 00:05:07,133
I think you'll find it
very interesting.

82
00:05:07,157 --> 00:05:08,456
I'm interested already.

83
00:05:09,526 --> 00:05:10,770
Me too.

84
00:05:10,794 --> 00:05:13,840
Eep eep eep eep eep
eep eep eep eep eep...

85
00:05:13,864 --> 00:05:15,775
Pardon me, gentlemen.
I'll be right back.

86
00:05:15,799 --> 00:05:17,977
Whoo, whoo...

87
00:05:18,001 --> 00:05:20,346
- Hey!
- Ow, ow, ow!

88
00:05:20,370 --> 00:05:21,748
I told you to lay off.

89
00:05:21,772 --> 00:05:24,350
The next time you do that,

90
00:05:24,374 --> 00:05:26,319
I'll whack you right
in the head like that.

91
00:05:26,343 --> 00:05:28,354
Leave him alone.
Stay out of it.

92
00:05:28,378 --> 00:05:29,555
A burglar.

93
00:05:29,579 --> 00:05:31,691
Nail him!

94
00:05:33,250 --> 00:05:35,061
Drop that money.
Put that dough down.

95
00:05:35,085 --> 00:05:36,529
What in the world are you doing?

96
00:05:36,553 --> 00:05:38,464
I told you we were
natural-born detectives.

97
00:05:38,488 --> 00:05:40,033
We caught this crook
robbing you.

98
00:05:40,057 --> 00:05:41,267
You fools!

99
00:05:41,291 --> 00:05:43,103
He's my father,
the dean of this college.

100
00:05:44,895 --> 00:05:46,873
Don't you two imbeciles
know a gentleman

101
00:05:46,897 --> 00:05:48,274
- when you see one?
- Oh!

102
00:05:48,298 --> 00:05:49,575
See that?
Oh...

103
00:05:49,599 --> 00:05:51,377
Ow! See that?

104
00:05:51,401 --> 00:05:53,679
Oh! See that? Oh!

105
00:05:53,703 --> 00:05:56,082
Now, you guys prepare for 81C.

106
00:05:56,106 --> 00:05:57,516
Not that! Not that!
81C, no.

107
00:05:57,540 --> 00:05:59,018
81C! Go!

108
00:06:08,718 --> 00:06:11,631
Oh. I'm Halliday.

109
00:06:11,655 --> 00:06:13,066
I'm Terriday.

110
00:06:13,090 --> 00:06:15,401
I'm New Year's Day.

111
00:06:19,596 --> 00:06:20,840
By this time,

112
00:06:20,864 --> 00:06:23,042
we were well along
with our criminology studies.

113
00:06:23,066 --> 00:06:25,245
One day we were receiving
private instructions

114
00:06:25,269 --> 00:06:26,279
from Alma Matter.

115
00:06:26,303 --> 00:06:27,914
In placing handcuffs
on a criminal,

116
00:06:27,938 --> 00:06:30,950
it must be done quickly,
the speed being in the wrist.

117
00:06:30,974 --> 00:06:32,407
I'll show you.

118
00:06:34,044 --> 00:06:35,421
I have to leave early today,

119
00:06:35,445 --> 00:06:37,523
and I want you boys
to practice for about an hour.

120
00:06:37,547 --> 00:06:38,925
And I'll see you in the morning.

121
00:06:38,949 --> 00:06:40,093
Bye, teacher.

122
00:06:40,117 --> 00:06:42,028
All right.
Come on, let's get started.

123
00:06:42,052 --> 00:06:43,562
Hold still.

124
00:06:43,586 --> 00:06:45,198
Let me try it.

125
00:06:46,456 --> 00:06:47,967
Do it to me.

126
00:06:47,991 --> 00:06:50,970
Sure, I'll do it to you.
Beep!

127
00:06:50,994 --> 00:06:52,338
There.
Good.

128
00:06:52,362 --> 00:06:54,274
Now let's open 'em up
and try it again.

129
00:06:54,298 --> 00:06:55,275
Give me the key.

130
00:06:55,299 --> 00:06:56,575
She forgot to give us the key!

131
00:06:56,599 --> 00:06:57,944
Hey, hey!

132
00:06:57,968 --> 00:07:00,113
Hey, she ain't comin' back
till tomorrow morning.

133
00:07:00,137 --> 00:07:01,547
How do you like that?

134
00:07:01,571 --> 00:07:04,050
Well, we gotta get out of here.
Wait a minute. I know...

135
00:07:07,010 --> 00:07:09,022
Wait. Wait. Wait.
I know. I know. I know.

136
00:07:09,046 --> 00:07:11,390
Down, fellas. Down, boy.
That's it.

137
00:07:11,414 --> 00:07:12,625
Now I get through this way.

138
00:07:12,649 --> 00:07:14,961
Wait! Wait a minute now.
Down!

139
00:07:14,985 --> 00:07:17,297
That's it.
That's it.

140
00:07:17,321 --> 00:07:18,298
Okay.

141
00:07:18,322 --> 00:07:19,765
Oh no, that's not it.

142
00:07:21,825 --> 00:07:25,638
Come on, get down out of here.

143
00:07:28,966 --> 00:07:31,911
Oh! Eh. Mm.

144
00:07:31,935 --> 00:07:34,848
Aah! Oh!
It's my own leg. Oh!

145
00:07:34,872 --> 00:07:36,415
Get me out of this here.

146
00:07:44,547 --> 00:07:46,592
Hey, come on.
Get up out of here.

147
00:07:46,616 --> 00:07:48,350
Get up. Come on.

148
00:07:51,054 --> 00:07:53,867
Hey, I got an idea.
Follow me.

149
00:07:53,891 --> 00:07:55,601
Go on.
Get that ax, butcher.

150
00:07:55,625 --> 00:07:56,769
All right.

151
00:07:56,793 --> 00:07:58,704
Bring it over here
and chop this handcuff.

152
00:07:58,728 --> 00:08:01,975
All right.
One, two...

153
00:08:01,999 --> 00:08:04,143
Oh! Oh!
A dog bit me!

154
00:08:05,702 --> 00:08:07,713
Oh, get around here.
I'll do it. Come on.

155
00:08:07,737 --> 00:08:10,297
Put it right down here.
All right.

156
00:08:19,582 --> 00:08:21,950
This cockeyed ax.

157
00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:24,463
I'll get this...

158
00:08:24,487 --> 00:08:25,664
Quit your yanking, you!

159
00:08:26,990 --> 00:08:28,401
Whoa!

160
00:08:29,726 --> 00:08:31,271
What's the matter?

161
00:08:31,295 --> 00:08:33,775
I'm stuck. But get away!
Get away! I'm stuck.

162
00:08:34,798 --> 00:08:36,242
Take it easy.

163
00:08:36,266 --> 00:08:38,912
Oh, oh, oh, ohh!

164
00:08:38,936 --> 00:08:41,416
Now I'll have to eat
standing up.

165
00:08:49,112 --> 00:08:50,122
I'm Halliday.

166
00:08:50,146 --> 00:08:51,490
I'm Terriday.

167
00:08:51,514 --> 00:08:53,125
I'm Christmas Day.

168
00:08:53,149 --> 00:08:55,294
♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle bells ♪

169
00:08:55,318 --> 00:08:56,663
Oh!

170
00:08:56,687 --> 00:08:59,632
I'll tell Santa Claus on you.

171
00:08:59,656 --> 00:09:01,868
Well, we finished our courses
in criminology.

172
00:09:01,892 --> 00:09:03,036
And we graduated.

173
00:09:03,060 --> 00:09:04,771
With the lowest possible honors.

174
00:09:04,795 --> 00:09:06,639
Now we were ready
for our first case.

175
00:09:06,663 --> 00:09:08,041
Yep, our first case.

176
00:09:08,065 --> 00:09:09,341
Make mine gin.

177
00:09:09,365 --> 00:09:10,877
Make mine champagne.
Yum, yum.

178
00:09:10,901 --> 00:09:12,541
Ooh!
Ooh!

179
00:09:16,206 --> 00:09:18,417
Boys, I want you
to pay strict attention.

180
00:09:18,441 --> 00:09:19,586
Yes, yes.

181
00:09:19,610 --> 00:09:21,287
There's a robber
by the name of the Eel.

182
00:09:21,311 --> 00:09:23,022
- A slippery cuss.
- Yes, yes.

183
00:09:23,046 --> 00:09:24,490
He masquerades as a woman,

184
00:09:24,514 --> 00:09:25,592
but he smokes cigars.

185
00:09:25,616 --> 00:09:26,726
Yes, yes.

186
00:09:26,750 --> 00:09:28,427
We have a tip
he's going to hold up

187
00:09:28,451 --> 00:09:29,762
the Biltless Hotel tonight.

188
00:09:29,786 --> 00:09:30,863
Stake out and get him.

189
00:09:30,887 --> 00:09:32,131
Yes, yes.

190
00:09:32,155 --> 00:09:33,666
If you fail, you're through.

191
00:09:33,690 --> 00:09:35,034
Yes, yes.

192
00:09:35,058 --> 00:09:36,268
No, no, we'll get him.

193
00:09:36,292 --> 00:09:38,370
The only clue we have
is this cigar butt.

194
00:09:38,394 --> 00:09:42,241
That's his brand.
Now get busy.

195
00:09:42,265 --> 00:09:44,711
Let's examine this cigar.
Shemp, what does it say?

196
00:09:44,735 --> 00:09:47,346
L-A-S-T.
Last.

197
00:09:47,370 --> 00:09:48,848
I-N. In.

198
00:09:48,872 --> 00:09:51,350
K-A-D-O-R-A.
Kadora.

199
00:09:51,374 --> 00:09:52,819
"Last in Kadora."

200
00:09:52,843 --> 00:09:54,587
Let me see that.

201
00:09:54,611 --> 00:09:56,089
No, no, you nitwit.

202
00:09:56,113 --> 00:09:57,624
It's La Stinkadora.

203
00:09:57,648 --> 00:09:59,826
Come on, bloodhound,
you gotta track him down.

204
00:09:59,850 --> 00:10:01,594
Use your nose.
Here, smell it.

205
00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:04,196
Got it?

206
00:10:04,220 --> 00:10:05,898
And how.

207
00:10:05,922 --> 00:10:07,266
Wait a minute.

208
00:10:07,290 --> 00:10:09,124
Come on, over here
and get started.

209
00:10:15,331 --> 00:10:16,843
Eep eep eep eep eep...

210
00:10:18,635 --> 00:10:20,334
Eep eep eep eep eep...

211
00:10:27,343 --> 00:10:29,023
Eep eep eep eep eep...

212
00:10:37,620 --> 00:10:40,755
Hey, there he is!
Get him!

213
00:10:47,931 --> 00:10:50,476
Oh, a drumstick.
Ha-ha-ha.

214
00:10:50,500 --> 00:10:52,444
Hey, imbecile.
Oh, that's me.

215
00:10:52,468 --> 00:10:53,946
What's that?
A drumstick.

216
00:10:53,970 --> 00:10:55,614
Oh.

217
00:10:55,638 --> 00:10:57,998
Come on, let's get him.
Come on, out.

218
00:11:05,749 --> 00:11:07,293
I'm Halliday.

219
00:11:07,317 --> 00:11:08,695
I'm Terriday.

220
00:11:08,719 --> 00:11:10,919
I'm Independence Day.

221
00:11:16,226 --> 00:11:17,904
Fooled you, didn't I?
Ha-ha-ha!

222
00:11:23,533 --> 00:11:25,044
Fooled me too.

223
00:11:28,504 --> 00:11:30,649
That Eel was a slippery one.

224
00:11:30,673 --> 00:11:32,651
We trailed him
to a room upstairs.

225
00:11:32,675 --> 00:11:34,954
<i>We pushed the door open
and rushed in.</i>

226
00:11:34,978 --> 00:11:36,322
Come out!
Come out!

227
00:11:36,346 --> 00:11:38,557
Wherever you are.
Get 'em!

228
00:11:38,581 --> 00:11:41,560
Now put your guns in there.
Get 'em in there.

229
00:11:41,584 --> 00:11:46,165
And don't make any phony moves,
or I'll blow your brains out.

230
00:11:46,189 --> 00:11:48,000
I'll be watching you
all the time.

231
00:11:49,793 --> 00:11:51,237
Hey, somebody's rattling dice.

232
00:11:51,261 --> 00:11:52,526
Oh, that's my knees.

233
00:11:55,265 --> 00:11:57,398
Go ahead. Get going!

234
00:12:01,371 --> 00:12:02,481
He's in here someplace.

235
00:12:02,505 --> 00:12:04,117
Look around.
See what you can find.

236
00:12:04,141 --> 00:12:05,141
Yes, sir.

237
00:12:07,944 --> 00:12:09,321
Woo, woo, woo, woo!

238
00:12:09,345 --> 00:12:11,090
Oh, boy, I found something.

239
00:12:12,182 --> 00:12:13,793
Come here.
Why don't you cut it out?

240
00:12:13,817 --> 00:12:14,827
Oh!

241
00:12:14,851 --> 00:12:16,417
Hey, let's look in there.

242
00:12:19,022 --> 00:12:20,666
Well, I guess
he didn't come in here.

243
00:12:25,495 --> 00:12:28,340
Fine kettle of fish.
We're in a ladies' Turkish bath.

244
00:12:28,364 --> 00:12:31,177
Well, when in Rome,
do as the Romans do.

245
00:12:31,201 --> 00:12:33,980
Use these sheets.
We'll disguise as girls.

246
00:12:34,004 --> 00:12:36,444
Lipstick.
That's perfect.

247
00:12:40,410 --> 00:12:42,955
Moella, shall we take a sunbath?

248
00:12:42,979 --> 00:12:45,391
No, Larrietta,
let us take a scramola.

249
00:12:45,415 --> 00:12:46,725
Not me.

250
00:12:46,749 --> 00:12:48,594
I want to linger
with the rest of the girls.

251
00:12:48,618 --> 00:12:49,728
You dear, you.

252
00:12:49,752 --> 00:12:51,197
Stooge!
What?

253
00:12:51,221 --> 00:12:53,499
What's the matter with you?

254
00:13:02,999 --> 00:13:04,610
Uh-uh.

255
00:13:04,634 --> 00:13:06,712
Mrs. Carr?
No, uh...

256
00:13:06,736 --> 00:13:08,247
Yes, darling.

257
00:13:08,271 --> 00:13:09,682
I've been expecting you.

258
00:13:09,706 --> 00:13:11,617
You're just in time
for your appointment.

259
00:13:11,641 --> 00:13:13,085
Now sit right down here,

260
00:13:13,109 --> 00:13:16,711
and we'll get the mud pack
right on.

261
00:13:19,883 --> 00:13:21,694
I love your bangs.

262
00:13:21,718 --> 00:13:23,395
Thank you, darling.

263
00:13:35,866 --> 00:13:37,506
Now...

264
00:13:56,386 --> 00:13:58,130
Oh, boy, a safety belt.

265
00:13:58,154 --> 00:13:59,954
Strap it. Ah.

266
00:14:02,959 --> 00:14:04,239
I better get out of here.

267
00:14:20,777 --> 00:14:22,288
Hello, I...

268
00:14:23,646 --> 00:14:26,492
All right, copper.
Move it over there.

269
00:14:26,516 --> 00:14:28,494
Get over there.
Get up on that horse.

270
00:14:28,518 --> 00:14:29,962
I ain't never been on a horse...

271
00:14:29,986 --> 00:14:31,964
Get on that horse!
Don't give me any lip!

272
00:14:31,988 --> 00:14:33,888
Now, brother,
you're goin' for a ride!

273
00:14:37,294 --> 00:14:39,005
There you go!

274
00:14:39,029 --> 00:14:42,108
Get me off! Get me off!

275
00:14:42,132 --> 00:14:44,365
Moe, help!

276
00:14:46,069 --> 00:14:49,515
I gotta stop this somehow.

277
00:15:12,628 --> 00:15:13,973
Well, that Eel was slippery.

278
00:15:13,997 --> 00:15:16,475
We didn't get him,
but we got the gate.

279
00:15:16,499 --> 00:15:18,344
By the way, I'm Halliday.

280
00:15:18,368 --> 00:15:19,678
I'm Terriday.

281
00:15:19,702 --> 00:15:20,947
I'm Labor Day.

282
00:15:20,971 --> 00:15:23,549
And with us, now
every day is Labor Day.

283
00:15:23,573 --> 00:15:24,973
Okay, then let's labor.

284
00:15:27,610 --> 00:15:29,643
Ow!

285
00:15:30,580 --> 00:15:32,380
Why, you...

286
00:15:34,717 --> 00:15:36,884
Stand still here, you.